Animated Atrocities 13/Original Review Transcript
Disclaimer: Some viewers may find this disturbing, viewer discretion is advised. Mr. Enter: 'Just a fair warning guys: this isn't just the worst ''Spongebob episode that I've ever seen. This is in the top five of the worst episodes of any cartoon ever. Yes, I do think that it is that bad. If you continually write bad episodes, that means you're a bad writer, right? However, if you write something like this, that means that you're a bad person. Speaking of that, let's see who wrote this... "Mr. Lawrence". What's the matter, Doug? Too ashamed to put your full name on this piece of shit. Actually, to be fair, Doug Lawrence has always credited himself as "Mr. Lawrence". He's also the voice of Plankton himself; make of that what you will. By the way, that title card is just... creepy. The music, just like in "The Splinter", doesn't fit for the hell that awaits us. ''episode title sequence'' The episode starts with Mr. Krabs taking a money bath, and in an attempt to fool us that he's anything remotely similar to who he once was. He smells something and checks up on SpongeBob, who identifies the smell as an explosive. That means that Plankton is attempting to break in. We have an action sequence, it another attempt to fool us that this episode is like one of those classic SpongeBob episodes. It ends with Plankton firing a missile that doesn't seem to go off. '''Or fortunately, depending on your point of view. Unfortunately, it going off wasn't the plan. It grows an arm and captures Krabs and SpongeBob. Plankton tries to get the secret formula out of Krabs. When that doesn't work, he gets it out of SpongeBob. SpongeBob: I don't how to get into the safe behind the painting in Mr. Krabs' office that houses the secret formula! He won't let me near it! Mr. Enter: One part of me thinks that that's wildly out of character for SpongeBob, a fanart of Classic SpongeBob attacking Modern SpongeBob by FantasyFreak-FanGirl but the rest of me knows that there's no character to be found anymore. When all looks to be lost, Pearl comes in and for some reason Plankton is terrified of her. Hey hey, guys? "The Algea is Always Greener" comes to mind You do know that Plankton has had extended interactions with Pearl before, right? Apparently, Plankton is scared of Pearl because he has seen documentaries where whales eat tiny organisms. You know, in a civilization like this, you'd think it'd be a crime for one citizen to FUCKING '''EAT' ANOTHER!'' Also, do you wastes of functioning organisms know that whales eat krill, not plankton? Mr. Krabs: Who knew Plankton was so afraid of whales? to black. "10 Seconds Prior..." Oh, and you better watch out. I think she's extra hungry today. Mr. Enter: Apparently you did, dumbass. Pearl: I prefer salad over Plankton anyway. to black. "So let me get this straight. Pearl HAS eaten people like Plankton before? And has done it recent/often enough to compare the taste? What the FUCK is wrong with these writers?" Mr. Enter: Pearl demands some mall money before she releases SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs from their trap. Then he suggests that Pearl go by the Chum Bucket and give Plankton a scare. She'll do it if he doubles her mall money, so Krabs demands that SpongeBob ship in. Unfortunately, he doesn't have any money because Krabs pays him in play money. Uh Krabs, you do know that that's illegal, right? Because Krabs can't get Pearl to scare Plankton, he asks to borrow one of her dresses. to a clip of "The Nostalgia Critic". Doug Walker: IT'S NOT FUNNY, IT'S NOT FUNNY, IT'S NOT FUNNY, IT'S NOT FUNNY, IT'S NOT FUNNY! IT'S NOT FUNNY! Mr. Enter: Meanwhile, Plankton is running home to the Chum Bucket. Karen is the douche that she always says and Plankton reveals what happened to his ancestors. They got eaten... except that they didn't because whales eat krill, you-'' '''Karen:' OK, when you take a break from your delusional paranoia, the trash needs some attention. Mr. Enter: You know what, I'll take care of the garbage. to black. A gunshot and glass breaking are heard. Cut to the episode. God I always hated Karen. Plankton takes care of the trash and gets scared by Pearl. He barricades himself inside, only to find Pearl inside as well. Plankton runs to Karen, complaining that there's a whale in the laboratory "How a WHALE got out of a BARRICADED room without being seen, I'll never know..." Of course when Karen comes in, Pearl has disappeared. Karen: If you'll excuse me, I have to get back to more permanent primary functions. Mr. Enter: One more quip out of you and I'm installing Vista on your hard drive! Karen: I'm not listening! hums Mr. Enter: to black That's it! Come here, come here, come here, I've got the-I've got the disc right here, come here, come here! Windows Vista startup sound Ugh, good, that's taken care of. After... Narrator: 16 paranoia filled days later... Mr. Enter: As in yes, Krabs has been doing this for over two weeks, Plankton has become that. Yeah, it's no surprise that that's Krabs disguised as his daughter. So when Plankton is crying, Krabs is laughing. I hope that you're thoroughly disgusted with him, because he gets worse. to the episode's opening credits. By the way, Zeus, since I hate you the most, I'm going to assume that... "You guys are okay with that, right?" Krabs in this episode is what you're like in real life. to Krabs scaring Plankton. Some part of you obviously thinks that these actions are okay, to the episode's opening credits. so I have no choice but to assume that you'd be willing to do shit like this in real life. And find it funny! back to the episode. Plankton, sleeping on a steel bed for some reason, is having a nightmare. And because it's disturbing enough, we get treated to it. He gets chased on a steel corridor by a monstrous version of Pearl, gets swallowed... Plankton: Hey! Get me out of here! laughs evilly and flings him into her throat with her tongue. No, no! falls into her stomach, where his ancestors find him. Mr. Enter: ...and meets his deceased relatives. to a clip of "The Nostalgia Critic". Doug Walker: IT'S NOT FUNNY, IT'S NOT FUNNY, IT'S NOT FUNNY, IT'S NOT FUNNY, IT'S NOT FUNNY! IT'S NOT FUNNY! Mr. Enter: It's not funny, because he gets halfway dissolved by stomach acid. screams while Pearl is laughing. Caption: "I can just imagine his skin burning and melting off..." Mr. Enter: Aren't his screams of agony just hilarious? Plankton: I can't take it! cries Mr. Enter: Wait for it... It's revealed that Krabs was the one tormenting Plankton this whole time. to a clip from Robot Chicken. M. Night Shyamalan: What a twist! Mr. Enter: to the episode's opening credits. You guys are worse at writing twists than the modern day Shyamalan. The next day, SpongeBob is mopping up the Krusty Krab, when he hears Plankton crying. Plankton: crying What's the point of going on? I'll just be tortured for the rest of my life by that whale! down That's it. I'm done. Mr. Enter: Wait for it... Plankton: Go away, CheeseHead! Can't you see I'm trying to get run over? Beat Mr. Enter: Can we hear that again? Plankton: Go away, CheeseHead! Can't you see I'm trying to get run over? Mr. Enter: One more time, please. Plankton: Go away, CheeseHead! Can't you see I'm trying to get run over? Mr. Enter: No, I-I think you guys get it. Just so we're clear on what's going on, Plankton, a character from a children's cartoon, has been psychologically tormented so much that he's attempting to commit suicide by getting run over. A couple of days ago, I reviewed "The Mask", a Courage the Cowardly Dog episode "And I didn't even talk about the implied prostution [sic"] about some pretty hardcore themes, to make it clear that it's not the fact that they are portraying a suicide attempt, it's how they are portraying it. Speaking of which, let's see how they portray it! Plankton: In fact, better yet just step on me as hard as you can, will ya? SpongeBob: Sorry, Plankton, but that flies in the face of my good nature. scratch Mr. Enter: Good nature? to an image of SpongeBob smiling SpongeBob, can we talk, just for a minute? to the title card of "House Fancy" Does ripping off someone's toenail fly in the face of your good nature? to the title card of "A Pal for Gary" Does letting your pet be tormented by a monster fly in the face of your good nature? to the title card of "Cephalopod Lodge" Does getting Squidward kicked out of the Cephalopod Lodge to the title card of "Choir Boys" and upstaging him at the choir, for absolutely no reason at all, fly in the face of your good nature? to the title card of "Tentacle-Vision" How about invading his house and stealing his television show? to black. "Also see: Good Neighbours, Boating Buddies, Summer Job, The Abrasive Side, Keep Bikini Bottom Beautiful, Pineapple Fever, Professor Squidward, Squid's Visit, Porous Pockets, Slide Whistle Stooges, Squid Wood, Karate Island; and presumably many more that I haven't seen." to the image of SpongeBob smiling SpongeBob, you have no good nature. Satan asks you for pointers. to the title card of "Gone". Caption: "It's a holiday where everyone leaves Spongebob because EVERYONE needs a break from that godawful yellow devil." "Gone" is one of my favorite episodes because you are the living embodiment of evil.to the image of SpongeBob smiling Just so we're clear, SpongeBob, to the title card of "The Splinter" the only good thing about "The Splinter" was that all of that was happening to you. Speaking of having no good nature, SpongeBob refuses to kill Plankton, but doesn't try to talk him out of commiting suicide. And yes, I'm saying "kill" and "suicide" because that's just what's going on here. When Plankton sends him away, SpongeBob just walks away to talk to Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs: a picture of Plankton Goodbye, Pipsqueak! Mr. Enter: Wait for it... SpongeBob: I just thought it would be pertinent for you to know that Plankton is laying on the street, forlorn. Mr. Krabs: Really? He's a mess! laughs Mr. Enter: Krabs, you do know that driving someone to suicide is murder, right? Even if you have no conscience, which you don't, you sanguine bastard, you will go to jail if he does the deed. What am I saying, in this culture is okay for one citizen to fucking '''eat' another''. "After all, it's Pearl who terrorizes Plankton, isn't it?" Then again, Pearl will probably go to jail, and you'll be okay with that, won't you? SpongeBob: Putting on a dress to frighten him? Isn't that taking it a little too far? Mr. Enter: Wht I'm doing is wrong, I know it's wrong, but I'm doing it anyway. Wow, we can throw pretension onto the pile too! This episode has just everything, doesn't it? Mr. Krabs: May I remind you of the fact that you've disclosed the location of me safe? Mr. Enter: Need I remind you that you are in the process of committing murder? SpongeBob decides that he can fix this. Kid, this isn't possible to fix. D-don't even try it. We cut back to Plankton, who is still trying to commit suicide... Plankton: angrily Man, what does it take to get run over around here?! Mr. Enter: [cut to a promotional image for Season 9 of SpongeBob SquarePants] My money's on the show getting renewed for a 10th season. People say that the 9th season is getting better. to the title card of "Squid Baby" Spoilers, it's not! to the title card of "The Splinter" It's just that they've already hit rock bottom to the title card of "A Pal for Gary" and continue to dig deeper. The only thing they can do to get worse it's actually off a character. And they'll do it, too! If you don't believe they would, then you haven't been paying attention. SpongeBob comes up to Plankton and tells him Mr. Krabs' secret fear, and lets Plankton know that Krabs was in a whale suit this whole time. Plankton: angrily Why that conniving bottom feeder! Mr. Enter: "After all, you almost commited [sic SUICIDE because of him."] Honestly, you're too kind. Plankton gets an evil grin because the writers still think that he's the bad guy. to the episode's opening credits. Um, writers, here's a crash course on morality, something you are clearly blind to, and that concerns me dearly. The guy who pays his employees in phony money, enslaves wild animals, "If you hate "Ponyville Confidential" try Spongebob's take at it." spreads vicious rumors, counterfeits, forces employees to work 24/7 "This scene right here creates a strong case that getting Plankton to off himself was ALWAYS the plan." and knowingly attempts to drive someone to suicide is usually considered the bad guy. Meanwhile we got the other guy who does, uh... attempted thievery. I don't know, if I had to pick one or the other, I think I'd go with the thief in a heartbeat. Mr. Krabs: This is too much fun! on costume I think I found me second calling! Mr. Enter: What, driving people to SUICIDE?! With his newfound knowledge, Plankton is no longer scared of Krabs. He traps Krabs and sends in a mime, which happens to be Krabs' secret fear. Okay, so karma comes to bite Krabs in the ass, I don't see your problem with that. And then a pod of whales comes by and scares Plankton off. Turns out that SpongeBob had a change of heart and reveals a projector, that he used to show the whales. Mr. Krabs: "Yeah Krabs was never afraid of mimes to begin with..." Okay, you're beginning to creep me out. to a clip of "The Nostalgia Critic". Doug Walker: NO! NOOOOOOOO! Mr. Enter: Let's go back to "The Mask": we had a character who thought that all dogs, which could easily be replaced with men, were evil, had a reason to think such, and by the end found out that not all dogs were evil. Here Krabs, seeing an opportunity, psychologically torments what has become a petty thief to the point where he's attempting to commit suicide, is happy that he did it, and gets away scot-free. It's not that they portray a suicide attempt, it's how they portray it. "This is the kind of twisted morality the show runs on people." According to this, it's okay to drive people you don't like to suicide. I don't know how this episode could possibly be worse... actually, I do. They could have gone with the original title of this episode. to black. According to the SpongeBob Wikia, the original title of this episode was... following words appear one by one. "Plankton. Got. Served." Um, was that a little... on the nose for you guys? A little too mean-spirited? I'm not gonna have another breakdown against you three, because you aren't worth my anger. You aren't even worth my hatred. I feel nothing but contempt for you three. For this to come into your minds, to think it was funny, and to actually go through with this, I have to ask: what are you? I mean, there is only one good thing I could say about this episode. With the backlash against it, "Try to find one person who likes this. I dare you." and yes, there is a wide backlash against this episode, there's no one stupid or sick enough to try to pull this stunt off again. to a clip of "Are You Happy Now?" 'Squidward: a rope I can't seem to get happy... the rope over Maybe this will help. Mr. Enter: Ah, fuck me. Category:Animated Atrocities Category:Season 1 Category:SpongeBob SquarePants Category:Transcripts Category:Spongebob